Sometimes we're drawn or pulled to the busier lifestyle because of our own trauma. When we slow down, we actually have to confront more of our inner world. Sometimes we have a hard time falling asleep at night because we've been so busy throughout the day…

Each one of us as a parent now, as an adult person, has the opportunity to heal ourselves so that we don't keep the patterns ongoing - we can notice the needs of our children and meet their needs alongside of us meeting our own.

We get to choose whether we're going to live our life and hold a perspective based on the perspective that people around us when we were growing up had, or if we're going to choose a different one.

One reason that some of us hate being misunderstood and why it hurts so deeply is when our earliest experiences, that with our caregivers and our parenteral figures, when those people don't speak to understand us, we learn the pain of not ever really being known.

What is one thing you can celebrate about yourself, about your progress this last year? And as you do that, feel gratitude in your heart. Feel the gratitude that things are able to be different.

If you’re open to connecting more deeply with your past self, walk through this visualization exercise with me.

Knowing the limitations you need to set and having boundaries in place; honoring yourself through this process and evaluating as you go; knowing what you want from this season and what is aligned; that will help you in making your decisions.

Do you want to connect more deeply with your inner child? Join me for this visualization exercise.

When you look in the mirror, how do you think of that person you see there? Are you kind to them? Or do you belittle them? Start by noticing…

Let's talk about how you can support yourself when you're actually in the conflict. Perhaps one of the most important things for the parentified child, the one who's learned to people please, is to have boundaries in place.

It can be uncomfortable to relax when you're used to being hypervigilant, when you're used to being the one in charge, the responsible, mature one. It can feel childish, silly, wrong to do these other things. But they are so necessary for survival, for thriving. You deserve to have a good time.

There's a time when we have to stand up from where we've been sitting, look ourselves in the mirror, literally or figuratively, and say, “I care about you and I'm here to help.”

A parentified child knows more of a give than a take. They know how to offer their support more than they know how to receive support. So when you show up in a relationship with your partner, you might be doing a lot more than you should be doing and you don't even realize it.

The goal is that you're in control of your decisions, that you have autonomy in this relationship, that it's no longer you having to act as the parent to your own parent.

You see, it's up to us to show people the real you, the real me. They won't know if they like you, if they don't know who you are. If we become the chameleon, we say the thing we think other people want us to say, we act in the way that we feel is appropriate or expected, and we never share our opinion. We never do what we would truly want to do - how expect people to like us? They don't even know who we are. It's only up to us if we will show up authentically. Nobody else can do that for us. 

Boundaries may feel like limitations at times. They may feel like ways to serve and protect ourself. Boundaries are a way to support ourselves. They're a way to come alongside and make sure we meet our own needs.

Can you be honest with yourself? If not, it's okay. Take time. Allow this process to take days, perhaps weeks, but be mindful of it. Not because you forgot, but because you're like deliberately reflecting and noticing yourself, the ways you interact, what you say, what you do behind closed doors.

You are in control of your decisions, your choices, even if it doesn't feel like you are. In childhood, you may have been forced to do something. No longer do you have to allow yourself to be forced to do something. You get to decide.

If you want to become more mindful about how you're doing, notice your physical sensations throughout the day and pause and breathe. Perhaps you want to deepen your connections and you want to start to notice more about other people. Whatever area it is for you, focus on that one area and slow down the process.

Look at your life, reflect and consider what are your values? What is important to you? Does your schedule, your lifestyle align with what you say your values are? So if your family is a high value to yours and you work all the time, then something isn't lining up.